Updates to Plans…

Yes, I know it’s been a while. Life has definitely kept me busy. So I wanted to sit down and give you all some updates to my ongoing plans.

Backstage Pass is still happening, but we’ve changed some things about it. It’s going to be a podcast and a vlog soon. I am also in the middle of preparing to move everything into a studio. The fun never stops here!

I am also working on both logos (for other people) and drafting my books. This has had some bad side effects (as in my hands get all messed up) – but I am working on getting that better.

I am happy that spring is here, but I am trying to patiently wait until I can get vaccinated. It’s not easy. At this point I haven’t seen my family in about two years total, and I am getting increasingly cranky about the roll out here. It’s a long rant, and I’ll not subject you to it.

So that’s a basic overview of the “updates to plans” that are in the works. I believe in showing the result, but as the path from point a to point b is a bit long, an update was needed.

Take care of yourselves!

Working – An Update

It’s been a long while since I’ve had the chance to sit down and update what is going on. I have been working, as much as you don’t see it right now.

Life decided that I could handle several days at once, and while I have come out the other side battered but unbowed, as it were, I’ve had to delay the podcast, which makes me upset at myself. So, I’ll be working on getting the next update up as soon as I can.

I’ve had to take some time to recharge my internal batteries and just deal with a whole bunch of things.

I’m still getting my posts about boundaries and toxic people together, and I’m still working on books. I am working on being better than I was yesterday, and just being a good human. I know that I can only control me and my responses and at this point in life, most of it is going to be getting the response of silence. It’s not that I don’t see the toxic behaviours, and bullshit doesn’t go unnoticed, but responses to anyone who is committed to twisting everything and misunderstanding me isn’t worth my effort.

It’s been about a year since we went into COVID precautions, and yes, it’s still had an excessive impact on my life. Like all of us, I am stressed and looking forward to when we’re able to visit those we love again. I may be an introvert, but this damn pandemic has worn me down. I saw the other day an analogy that we’re all feeling like when you walk down the aisle in an airplane. Everyone is stressed, and walking carefully, and we don’t want to bump our stress into someone else’s because we’re all at wit’s end.

I’m trying to concentrate on the positive, but some days it is awfully hard work to find it. But I keep working towards that goal.

Until next week – take care of yourselves.

Choose Happy

I’ve talked about the fact that since the early days of the year, how I’ve felt more at home, more at peace and happier. Don’t get me wrong, I still have depression. But I have learned that if I choose happiness, looking for the good in the day, while recognizing that not every day is a good day, my whole mindset changes.

Simply, to “choose happy” doesn’t erase my depression, anxiety, autism or attention-deficit disorder. But it does put me in a better, more balanced mindset.

I know I had promised an entry on healthy boundaries, but right now, I’ve been pulling packages of log files, dealing with archives, and dealing with a resurgence in PTSD thanks to someone’s borderline stalkerish behaviour. I will post the entry soon, but right now, I need to take the next week to myself and concentrate on my mental health.

Part of why I’m happy lately, despite ongoing bullshit (sorry folks, can’t really sum that up easily other than that) is that I have been making a point to write at least a few lines every day in my journal. This allows me to get out the emotions that normally I’d be acting on and usually having adverse consequences. I am keeping up with my therapy and checking in on schedule. I’ve been taking my meds, watching my physical health. I’m working on some internalized ableism regarding assistive devices. But, through all of this, I know – their bad behaviour isn’t a reflection of me. That I am responsible for my words, deeds, and reactions, and they are responsible for theirs – and if they choose to not be honest – both in supposed therapy and in life, that’s a reflection of them. And I choose happy. I don’t want to be the dour cloud, I don’t want to be the bitter old woman. I want to be the best person I can be for me, for my daughter, for my family.

Some days I need to look for the good a little harder, but if I look, it’s there.

A New Leaf

A new year, a new leaf to turn over.

This year, I have a roadmap of things I want to talk about. One of them is the fact that, for once in my life, I feel happy, I feel contented in my life. Others include mental health in a broad sense, and things like healthy boundaries and dealing with toxic people.

I want to remind you that I’m NOT a therapist. Anything I write here is my experience and not to be treated a substitute for mental health help. I am working on my education to become a fully licenced therapist, but that is well off into my future right now. If you are in distress, please investigate the resources linked here.

As the year flipped over, things started to fall into place for me, that proverbial new leaf got turned. Why this is a huge thing for me is that I’ve been suffering from depression (MDD) since I was twelve. I can remember where I was when that hit me like a ton of bricks, and my life was never the same.

I’ve been in therapy since I was twenty-nine. We’ve worked on so much, between CBT and medication, and while there was some relief, it came and went. But this felt different from the start, and at my last appointment, we discussed how a slow progression to being happier and content was better than a quick burst that ends with my mental state cratering.

My therapist is aware of what is going on in my life, and how I’m dealing with things this year that would, in the past, have knocked me on my butt. That the constant onslaught from an incredibly toxic person whose projection of a paranoid fiction would normally have made me terribly upset. Now I look at this as annoying as a mosquito and have the proper folks dealing with it. Their accusations I know are a complete fiction, and I refuse to stress over the delusions of a person who is, in the grand scheme of my life – unimportant. I do hope that they get the help and therapy that they need.

To help this, I have been looking for the good in every day. I have been enforcing my boundaries – which I’ll talk about in next week’s entry – with friends and family. The majority of which have responded positively – because we’ve had to work on learning what healthy boundaries are, and once you know what and how, it becomes easier.

Also, getting older, as a good friend of mine told me, you stop giving a fuck about most things, which leads to being happier overall.

So, while I abhor new year’s resolutions, this year, turning over that new leaf, has made all the difference for me.

Looking Forward, Looking Back

Looking back at 2020

This year, I had wanted to get so much done. Turns out that I was going to be thwarted by a microscopic, little bastard that was identified as SARS-CoV-2.

This little multipronged bastard managed to put my life on hold. The entire house has been stressed out, and I decided to put my mental health first. So, I cut back on blogging, tried to get my house in order, and just made myself and my family my priority.

I had intended to start podcasting in November. But November brought challenges that made it hard to get the quality product out that I wanted to. So that will be coming January 6, 2021.

This summer brought the challenge of dealing with defamatory content that was dreamed up by someone I’ve never interacted with and reaching out to legal professionals and dealing with that stress. The events that they claimed happened, I can say with brutal honesty, did not happen. At all. But that is something that is being dealt with by higher powers than myself.

The kiddo and schooling, well, to say the least, was a challenge. I’ve talked about it over on Shiny Mommy and I’ll be talking about it more there in the new year.

Given the circumstances, while it wasn’t the best, or even a good year, I am alive, and mostly healthy. The family is alive, and mostly healthy.

Looking Foward to 2021

The biggest thing I’m looking forward to, after we get vaccinated and hopefully to herd immunity, is to see my friends and family once more. I’ve had one person in our bubble who has been a major help with the kiddo. But I have missed my extended family and our vacations with them. And just talking with my chosen family in person.

I will also be talking a lot more here about healthy boundaries, what to do with toxic people in your life and working on resiliency. I’m going to be talking about this from my own perspective and experiences. So, that means from a person who is neurodiverse and has had to deal with this crap from both family and former friends.

The podcast will be talking about that and writing and all the things behind that. I am really looking forward to it. I really can’t express that in words.

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