From The Abyss I Have Returned

“Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”


…if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you..

It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down and wrote anything here. It’s not because I’ve not wanted to, but more that I was overwhelmed. With what was I overwhelmed?

Well, where do I start? I’ve been working on podcasts and vlogs. They’re taking forever because of issues that aren’t on my end of things. I’ve finally gone back to working on my second book again. Things are going slowly, as we’re ever so slowly coming out from the shadow of the last three years of a global pandemic.

I’ve had extended family members, and others that I care about leave us way too early. I’ve had bullshit piled onto bullshit. Like the suggestion that my spouse should police my social media presence – and if you knew the posts that set that off, you’d go “Seriously?” because holy projection batman.

I had to put my own mental and physical health before anything. I’ve been in Rule 0 for a while, because of all the things that I’ve mentioned here, and more.

I’ve paused my educational goals for a while. I even stopped my creative hobbies because I just didn’t have the bandwidth for them.

I am still recovering from this, and one thing I don’t see me recovering is the fact that I’m at zero fucks given. I’ve given too many second, third and fourth chances to people in life because, well, because I wasn’t taking the advice that I should have from the late Dr. Angelou – when people show you who they are the first time, believe them.

So, while things are definitely going to change around here, I want to remind everyone that no one, absolutely no one, has the right to demand access to you. Both in real life and online. The “Take No Harm” part of what I live by means no harm to ourselves, not just to others.

Take care of yourselves friends, and I’ll see you next week.

Things I’ve Not Written On The Page…

It’s been a long time since I sat down and actually written something for the blog on the site. 

Since my dog passed away, I have been doing a lot of soul searching, and trying to decide where I should be going next, what I should be doing. 

My heart was shattered by the loss of that small, fuzzy, loving dog. More than I care to admit most days. With that happening and the fact that my father is still being treated for cancer, well, my heart is still hurting and it’s hard to focus some days. 

Introspection can be a double edged sword, and I am definitely working on getting out of my own head and back into what really matters to me. 

To answer the biggest question – will we see the follow up to A Desert Song?

Yes. I will finish the trilogy, but I am also going to be working on other things that I enjoy. You see, not to tell tales, but there was a point in life where I really enjoyed a lot of different creative endeavours, and after spending about two years being torn down by someone, I couldn’t really do much. I am thankful that I finished the bare bones of the book before this person came into my life, otherwise I’d still be trying to get it done.

I had a few years of one bad experience after another with people who had the same personality types, and issues, and I am finally making more progress. My mental health professionals are very pleased with my progress, and we’re making progress in other, non-related, areas. 

I will be bringing my Vlog to the site soon. I encountered delays because of health issues – headaches from the bowels of hell are not really something that allows you to stare at a screen or have the bright studio lights on you. 

But it was definitely time to let you all know that I’m back, and working. You’ll see the other things that I mention soon. 

Creative in a State of Emergency

Right now, you can’t escape the news about COVID-19. No matter how much you want to. And being creative in a literal state of emergency? How the hell can that happen?

Well, for me, getting back to writing has been a bit of a balm on my worried soul. I already have anxiety disorders, and I’ll be honest when I say this whole time isn’t helping that. Writing, however, does. It allows me to get out of my head, to get out of this current time.

The second novel in the Rock and Roll Angel trilogy (which you’ll understand why it’s called that when it is done) is set in around the turn of the 21st century. Thinking back on that time, it takes me out of the now into the past. I’m also a bit of a stickler for accuracy – as my “Squid Squad” can tell you (The Squid Squad is a definite in-joke, and one of those – if you weren’t there, it does not make one bit of sense). I have thrown out quite a lot that was just one month out of alignment to the story.

Normally, stress takes away from my ability to be creative. But right now, getting out of my own thoughts really helps, and the muses are there to provide commentary on every damn thing.

Beyond writing, I am getting back into crafting. I’ll be posting some of those experiments soon on my Instagram. I also have some other things planned, but they’re in the nearly embryonic state, so I don’t want to talk too much about them in case they don’t go any further.

I like to do something creative every day – from colouring to paper crafting. Doesn’t always have to be writing. As long as the creative juices are flowing, it’s all good in my opinion.

Feeling Happy

It’s been a while since I’ve really been able to say that I am feeling happy. But here I am.

Things are finally to the point where I can start new endeavours and continue with ones I’ve had going before. It’s been a long time since I’ve truly felt this way.

I’m not going to say that life is perfect, but it isn’t dragging me down as hard as it has been the past while. I’ve had some news that worries me, but until I know more about it, I’m going to try not to worry obsessively over it all.

I’ve also been letting go of things that actively hurt me – even if that wasn’t the intent of the person/thing. I am working towards peace in my life. Peace of mind, peace in my soul.

My life is busy still, no doubt there, but it is at least letting me have a glimpse of what happy feels like. For a person who has treatment resistant clinical depression, that is like heaven. It means that both my therapy and my medications are working together again (being sick as a dog for two months caused my medications to go all wonky on me, because when you can’t really absorb them properly, they aren’t there for your brain to use).

I hope to get back into writing (again, being sick, not good for productivity) soon and with my other crafty endeavours, keep that feeling happy momentum going. I’ll also be bringing the website for A Desert Song back online soon as well. It’s been a long road there, but I’m happy with how it’s shaping up.

I’ll also being doing some Patron only things in the very near future, so if you haven’t joined my Patreon, now is a great time to do so!

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