I am learning to make this day great, even if my brain hates me.
I make no bones about the fact that I suffer from depression. People think that depression means that I’m sad all the time. Yes, there are days that I am sad. But depression is more of a loss of hope. In this world that seems to be plucked from the most epic of dystopias, it’s easy to have a loss of hope.
My brain tells me that I am worthless, that people are just putting up with me and that no one really cares on the regular. Because depression, while it is evil, comes with a side of anxiety in my case. That’s the reality of it though, that depression rarely comes alone.
But, that aside, I am learning to look to make every day great. Yes, it sounds trite, but I assure you that it’s not.
For me to find the good in each day, I’ve had to learn to walk away from situations and people that were toxic to me. I had to learn to make myself the priority. And when I put up boundaries, the people who were using me, and got told no reacted and continue to react badly. But that is a reaction to their own issues. I had to learn that though I want to care for everyone, that people need to fix themselves. That they need to take control of their own lives, and that some of them will never do that because they don’t see the issue as being with them. That it’s always someone else.
This looking for the good, and learning to see the good in my day is a learning experience. I feel better about myself most days. I am getting more done even when my body isn’t cooperating with me because instead of lamenting the fact that I’m broken, I’m finding a way to deal with the brokenness, to work with my body instead of against it. Not every day is a good day, but as the old saying goes, there is good in every day.
Until next time!