I’ve been holding off on writing a new entry for a while. I just couldn’t find anything to say. And what I could find to say, really, didn’t warrant being said. Until something happened that forced me onto a journey. A journey of rediscovery.
I was really down when it came to my writing (amongst other things). I can remember a time when I really felt that I had something special to share with the world. That has felt like a lifetime ago.
For me, writing became a heinous job, that I didn’t want to deal with. You might ask why?
I’ve been through a lot in the last five years. I’ve had at least four events that can be considered, by all psychological means, traumatic. Some were physical. Some were mental. The mental ones, as always, take longer to heal. There is a reason that gaslighting is effective torture. And I had it done to me not just by one person, but three in a short timespan.
One, in particular, had to do with my writing. As outlined in this article, one of the big things is to attack something you held dear. Writing is something that I’ve loved since I was old enough to create Voltron fanfiction in my head (and we’re talking the original, so… it’s a long damn time). And this person claimed to want to help me, because they believed in me.
I soon found out that wasn’t the case. And it’s been a journey since then to get back on even footing. I don’t want to hate something I love. But mental wounds run deep, and take a long time to heal.
Now, to get back on the rediscovery part – I found an old archive on one of the seemingly millions of flash drives and backups that I have in places. I started reading the original first draft of my book. I decided to open it. I mean, what could it hurt, right?
I read through the 2000 some words that I had penned many years ago, and I could feel the connection to the characters. It was alive.
I want that back. I want to feel connected to my characters again. I know my life has massively changed in the years since I wrote it, but I know I can rediscover that feeling. I know I can rediscover the love my writing again, and that it’s just a matter of time and resources.
Thank you all for listening.